confusion, closely followed by maybe depression...haha..and then i dunno le...

okok, i noe i should be finishing off my stupid assignments now, haiz..but i really wan to pen type this down, maybe it would be of some help... one would not noe how confused i am...i really think i suck, or maybe im a freak...haiz..wateva
its stupid, how come i dunno if i like this person or not?? i mean it like ...the whole day u think: ok i dun like this guy le...k fine, just nice mah..dun wan to get into further sticky ends...--then one stupid ncie msg makes u think tt u like the person liao... haiz..how confusing can call these get????
and now te problem of frens and stuff come out--its scary..how come i feel tt im closer to exclassmates rather than classmates? haiz..i really dunno..and now im regreting like siao tt i didnt join om lah...freak, dun care go and call amy to ask ask bout om ...maybe i can join nx yr or sth..(as if lah..)
and i still didnt forget y i didnt join om, im not blaming anyone if u are reading this...okok lets just say im to influenced by frens and didnt wan to be extra...im introvert among strangers, so maybe tts the reason y i didnt go..haiz... now if i joined i would probably be going to america? i dunno..cos im 15 mah..then hav to join the sec 3 team, like amy, then its quite nice wah.. add one more person inside wun really affec the whole thing rite? and now come to think of it, i had actually put my name down, but in the end, i told krisin to cancell off my name...haiz...i noe tt doing sth for frens tt u would wan them to do for you would make u feel happy, but i think i hav to learn tt sometimes they might not wan to do the same to u...
fren's words can be extremely hurting espeically one of their's....or maybe its becos our type of frenship is like tt...or maybe becos her person is like tt, thus i become like tt...or sth..i dunno....
haiz..sometimes u just think the person sucks or sth...but actually she's still nice lah... oh wateva...i need someone to talk to...but i cant find anybody sia... no one can help me..haiz...
im confused and sort of sad, but i noe there will be frens tt i could turn to lah..hahaha... oh i think i need to type 2 more letters (instead of write) haha...make things easier, just incase i not seeing her today, then cannot pass her the letter....
haha..never managed to watch smallville b4, yesterday watched, its so damn nice..haha..nx time will watch every friday!..loL
haiz.. 3 or 4 ppl's bdaes coming lah..how i die, no money liao..then somemroe 2 ppl are quite close, then hav to but big big pressie...wah lao lah..haiz..dun care dun care...

haiz..now back to my confusion lah.... sometimes i feel that i like this person, then one qn, *pah!* the feeling gone liao... then like the person again, then dun like, then like again..haiz..
maybe i dun really like theperson..i just like someone for the sake of liking someone... to keep my mind off things...i dunno... if its like tt..i think im really a freak..but i dunno..i dun think im those type of ppl lah..but...i dunno..haiz...

haiz..zp keep suan-ing me lor...and i never suan her b4... ok i noe i dun look like nice wat..but i like never say bout her u noe... even if she just look normal, i tell her she look cute lor..and anyway she really look cute wah...so wtf lah... stop suaning me can? if u wan to suan, go and learn from yuling, at least look for some funni topics to suan, stop suaning just to make urself feel superior....

okok, sorri lah...i might not really mean it...ok? so forget it..half the things i say might be like...u think its unreasonable, or maybe u dun mean it, just as a joke, wateva, and dun mean it..and sometimes i joke bout height and weigth(i didnt say anything bout weight lah..just tt sometimes i think im fat..then u tell me im not..and sutff..blah) yah..so maybe it might not be true..wateva...haiz..
ok this reminds me of sth else...haiz... last yr netball carn..it was everything bout fun, it was the most depressing day of my life, k..and i doubt u would be reading this, so fine, i'll just voice it out...and even if u see it, just forget it...overalll i still think u are a great fren...
last yr netball carn..i was so damn fcuking tried after my 3 day camp..and 4 shades darker (mroe tanned) okok..so get the idea of my condition tt day? i mean i noe im not tt gd in netball..but i'll just try my best, rite? i wun mind if yanhan scolds me, cos shes gd at it... but zp, ok u are gd at shooting, fullstop, im telling u , whether u like it or not, ur shooting hand position is wrong, urs is the basketball hold, the netball hold is different, fine u dun wan to listen, or tt one works better for u, u can jsut say like tt rite, dun hav to say i keep acting pro..i dun act pro, like u , i just share wat i noe, if yixin tells me some pro pro stuff, i wun say she act pro, i would just say she noes sth i dunno, so share share lor...
then tt day at netball carn u hav to tell me wat to do, how to defend, like u veri like tt, yah...rite... u can even catch a ball properly...and i didnt even say anything bout it k? wateva..u really made me lose confidence, i mean even if im not tt gd, u cant find anyone to replace me le wah..so wtf, can u just say sth nice? and anyway...i noe im not tt lousy, at least better than you...and im making this very clear, if u are not pro in sth, dun boss others around! wtf.. sorri..damn pissed at life now.. wateva...bet u are gonna be angry if u read this...
haiz...i dunno...sometimes ppl are damn close minded, only think about ppl being show-off and stuff..didnt really think bout ourselves...maybe tts y life is so conplicated....haiz... the more i dun wanna live le..haiz..
oh yah, rgco got gold, not bad, at least go face to bring back home lah...hm...i think they maybe can get gold with honours nx time...jia you!!! hahaha.. =)