lonely christmas.. wateva

haiz.. rather down now.. christmas practically suck lar.. as in.. nth to do, everyone daoin u (cos apparently they are having fun) yup.. haiz.. pretty confusing and all. i dunno wat im doing. i want to stretch out and help others, and really make others feel better, esp when i am really able to make them feel better.. not just drownin them in some stupid rationale tt everyone know, but nv able to understand when they are depressed.. and actually can make ppl feel better.. i mean.. its like.. i feel so happy.. like God in guiding me thru all these, teachin me how to help us.. and makin me learn and be stronger as well. but now.. i aint so sure anymore. half the time i dunno what im doing. im serious! suddenly it just dawned on me: what am i doing??? haiz..

i guess what they said it rite.. just shoot well, study well, dun care bout other stuff. but is it possible? i'll just try my best. the only thing thats spurtin me on is actually pistol. but the irony? im not even in the CCA, let the sch team??? others are way better than me.. and its like... am i able to catch up?? hav u ever seen someone who started latr but trashed the others? and wat percentage is hardwork? if hard work is the 100% guarentee to improvin, then i'll TRAIN EVERYDAY. i mean EVERYDAY.

but wats the pt? no one to share with. no one. i keep forgettin God. like, only rmb Him when i need Him and all.. i feel abit guilty.. and i cant feel God anymore.. i cant feel Him... haiz.. i need huggies.. but.. haiz.. i noe he aint there.. i mean he is there.. but.. haiz.. i dunno.. dunno anymore..

damn sad now.. lonely christmas.. nth to do.. no pressie also.. :'( haiz.. wateva.. wat can i do???? fuck.. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck..

Christmas wishes!!! lets me materialistic!! =)

wishes, material stuff

• log bag/sling bag/tote bag(a new bag for a change mah..)
• new shoes (hey, u cant wear a pair of shoes for too long! it'll harm ur feet!)
• new comp (now my comp damn cranky leh.. i wan desktop replacement..)
• new sch bag (new bags tend to inspire ppl to be more enthu bout sch)
• nano pouch
• earphone cover (tt green one too baobei liao.. dun bear to use le)
• quiksilver/billabong/ripcurl ring file (to chill my wksheets..loL)
• 10 box of pellets + 100 targets (ensure tt i dun hav to spend excess money on pistol, hey, e shootin ppl can kop pellets for free leh!!!)
• new water bottle/pink nike water bottle (i lose my pink billabong one!!)
• contacts (not to look nice, but to control my f**kin degree)
• SHOOTIN SPECS

non-materlistic stuff

• improve in guitar
• improve in shootin
• hardworkin
• enthu bucklean
• make more fren, be nice to everyone, strive to be a person whom others can turn to when they hav problems
• love more
• try to hav better communication with parents
• try not to always depend on my other financial source (my dad)
• read more
• be nice to juniors
• be kind to seniors
• wear name tag
• dun get booked
• do well in hssrp
• dun slack
• be happy
• love more
• hope to be loved more