just let me die....really..

i dunno y.. maybe its just one of my mood swings.. i dunno.. i dunno how to cope with stress.. i dunno how to cope with frenship probs.. r/s probs.. EVERYTHING i just feel like dying basically.. just let me disappear from this world.. totally.. everything would be better and easier.. zp wun hav probs with yy... yx wun be so segregated in pri sch... 203 classmates wun feel so inferior cos of e height prob.. and my mum wun be so worried over stuff.. maybe they dun be married even.. wun tt be nice..
yup no doubt ppl might be sad on the rare occasion of cos well.. im sorri.. i just cant live this life anymore.. i cant.. i just cnat.. i feel like dyin..just die.. die.. die.. maybe get knocked down by a car.. make it an accident, then like i might not be so guilty.. no one would miss me much de.. i just wanna die DIE!!! oh man.. i dunno wat to do now... maybe just let me die.. nth much in this world for me to miss.. well.. maybe some.. but well.. lets just say they are better off without me.. yupp..
i just think life sux.. as in really sux.. i dunno wat to do.. im stressed..but i cant do anything bout it.. im not eatin .. only water.. plain water.. argh.. just let me die.. slpin pills aint gd.. hope i can get cancer, all e better de..

pistol mania

haiz.. asked mrs tay today.. haiz.. cant join... no matter wat.. unless 2 ppl quit airrifle.. then i can happily join.. haiz.. haiz.. haiz.. haiz.. haiz.. haiz..haiz..haiz..haiz..haiz..... k lar.. go cry le..

just let me die

ok.. i really dunno wat to do.. i wanna die.. just like tt.. i dun for all e ppl who might hate me for tt, like there would be much..
first physics test, totally screwed it.. screwed as in screwed.. not like those type of pro ppl.. like wrong one tini one mark qn say screwed and fail e whole test le.. for me its really screwed.. i do everything wrong le.. i pass i happy le..

then airpistol.. really wanna join it.. then cannot join! i mean.. i dunno y i wanna join.. i hope its not san fen zhong re du.. but i think its not.. i really wanna try air pistol.. even if its just like.. outside course (which obviously would be ex enough for my parents to faint) then they need e damn fuckin safra membership.. which i cant get.. no matter wat, cos my father aint nsman.. o man.. i think i'll go and die.. end these misery..but.. haiz.. sorri. huggies..

until i get over u

listenin.. to until i get over u.. so sad song lor.. haiz.. makin me depressed haiz..
k lar.. today got my choir concert tix.. sitting beside van and everett.. like so funni, cos latr like tall taller tallest! loL.. haha.. then van wearin skirt.. haha.. i, ofcos not wearin skirt, probably sth normal.. jeans lar.. wat else haha..loL... me and van are e only 2 gals from my class in e 15 buck seats.. ok lah.. not tt bad.. as in.. at least sitting together rite? haha..=)
van and i plannin to make this nice nice corrigated plastic board thing, then write sth nice lar.. like.. JJ ROCKS.. loL ok tts kinda lame.. sth nicer lar haiz.. nth to do..bored... bye

crying

ok.. i hav never like.. just sit there and cry alone before ... i dun think so anyway.. im like super sad now.. and i dunno wat to do... how come things can turn out this way? like.. so horrible.. sth gd.. sth not bad.. turn into sth like this? i keep feeling its my fault.. too stubborn.. too possessive...too selfish.. maybe i am.. cos if i were to blame this on another person.. it seems unreasonable.. and it seems mean and stuff... well, it falls back to e basic fact of wat??? i dunno... everything just screw up like a crap com! im crazy le.. i dun wanna think bout it..but i still hav not reach their stage of not toking bout it yet.. haiz.. anyway.. wats e problem with it? its just.. almost nth! it was so crap ytd.. and now.. its like this! like wtf, its just nth! NTH!!! so y did it screw up like tt? i dunno!! i dunno!!! maybe tts how ppl see me when im depressed--depressed over small tini mini stuff.. well... at least now im lookin at it at another person's pt of view.. but i how i wish e person depressed is me.. so tt i dun hav to be so pained in seeing other ppl suffer.. and not being able to help.. it pains it.. badly.. like more than i am depressed.. knowing tt someone whom u care is not telling u sth.. just becos thou is sad and depressed.. i duno.. maybe its too much to ask from a depressed soul... i just wish fri would come soon.. maybe it would be over, maybe it wun.. but at least then i would be able to force everything out from them.. i dun care.. they agreed wah... so i can poke in on fri.. gonna blog again then.. maybe.. im telling u.. im going crazy. totally crazy. wat to do?
today whole day like cant concentrate. just cos too worried. i never knew, was i like tt? as in makin ppl this worried? i hope not.. if its really like tt, well.. im really sori. ok. i must stop dotting so much, i think its quite irritating for others. k too sad to write now

IM TELLING U, I HAV A WEAK HEART, LITERALLY. AS IN SOMETIMES MY HEART WILL BEAT SUPER FAST AND IM LIKE GONNA FAINT LIKE TT. GET IT? DUN FREAK ME, LIKE U ARE DOIN NOW.

haiz..

haha.. ytd was fun man.. totally fun... ok.. maybe not so much.. but i had alot of laughter mah..
k first, round 5 sth.. went to amk and waited for tt everett koh.. haiz.. dunno wats e matter with him lar.. make me wait so long.. lucky zp called me and told me bout e geo thingy.. then took up some =) then finally! mr everett koh chier wei is there! haha.. then went to cityhall together to wait for yuhan. finally found yuhan, and she told us she wanna go toilet.. erm.. so let her go lor.. then we wait there..
----ten minutes later----
just called jj.. she already in acsi le.. somemore one hour before concert... she said shes gonna find a place and slp there.. i told her to be careful not to get raped.
k yuhan got back, everett complained tt becos of her, we missed 4 trains-didnt noe he so observant.. i thot we only miss 2 trains..
k got on e train.. yuhan lean against one glass panel, everett the other one.. i stand beside yuhand and crap.. then suddenly, out of the blue-everett talked to this person! ok.. probably his senior lar.. but like pretty funni, cos from a stranger's pt of view, it look as if 2 complete strangers just start talkin... *hahaha*
haha.. everett, live up to his reputation as a daoer lor... walk so fast..haiz.. then we took some bus, cant rmb wat (dun matter rite, like im gonna go there again...) and got to acsi (its big.. its quite nice.. and it makes me freak, cos its so nice..) haiz.. found jj beside e cyber lab thingy.. then everett disappeared.. probably to put his bag in his locker or sth (wonder y he does tt... ) yeh.. then we just walk around, look at their long wall, filled with nice nice trophies, etc..
ok .. then we went in
big shock! big shock!!!
the chairs in the auditorium is plasic chairs lor! SUPER HIGH CLASS HOR.. i thot it would be like hci theatre like tt.. super comfy chairs.. yuhan was sayin tt they put such nice chairs, so as to prevent us from fallin asleep.. hm.. possible, heh?
ok lar, hav to admit tt e chamber orch is quite gd, but i dun really noe how to appreciate music... so find it abit boring after a while...
then.. just after a mere 30 min, its intermission liao..somemore intermission is 20min! kao.. me and yuhan do nth lor.. everett smsed yy and wished her happy bdae on fri.. but her reply was: who are u? haha.. then everett tell me to think of something far fetched.. i asked jj for a name.. then just anyhow put inside... haha.. everett really sent it lor.. then tt person whose name we used was her exclassmate lar.. then yy ask back: how did u get my no? haha.. everett was typing sth like.. found it in e toilet or sth.. anyway.. sth farfetched lar.. me and yuhan were both pokin our heads in to see wat hes typin mah... then later he disappeared le.. then dunno when appeared again.. trying to strangle his senior in chamber orch or sth.. then started strangling jon... haha.. close contact mah.. they look as if they were doing some other stuff.. *ahem*
then jj appeared and told us to help her hold stuff..then she left again... then me and yuhan went up to look for her.. then found her.. and went back le.. cos concert startin le mah...
haha.. then later nicholas told me they went off to sit at another place.. wanted to dao everett.. then everett pro lor.. ran off to sit upstairs with his sch mates..haha dun understand guys..
suddenly rmbed everett owe me money.. told him to return me after concert.. somemore he need to bring me to mrt station mah.. cos i dunno how to get back.. later die there.. *shivers* haha.. anyway.. got money from him mah.. then he diggin in his locker for dunno wat thing.. then i went to toilet.. and lost my way lor.. cant find anywhere.. then called everett.. and finally found my way out.. yay... didnt really reply nicholas' sms.. then later found him at e bus stop.. jon and tt ren xiang person pro lor... went holland v to eat supper.. haha.. im direction idiot.. dunno if its near acsi.. if it is.. then ok lor.. but if its far rite.. they are crazy lor.. anyway all none of my business.. haha..
k lar.. then went dover.. e super nice mrt station.. then took e train home lor.. was readin inspector calls.. i didnt hear anything until e train announced "yishun" and i looked up.. wow time seems to fly when one is reading, heh? haha.. then walk home from mrt lar.. wat u expect.. haha.. ok sat nite is quite fun... hm.. nx time other sch concerts i also wanna go... yay...
haha.. irock.. bye... tag ok?

its just life now...

i made my title sound as if what i previously had wasnt life.. haha.. yeh.. maybe.. *silly grin* haha.. didnt noe tt ppl actually go my blog.. then yy went and told me she saw e part i wrote in caps... kao.. wats e big deal.. i just realised tt i've always thot tt it was sort of my fault tt i pissed her off.. and now she daos me... well.. i dun deny its partially my fault, but not completely.. and pls if one calls me despo, look at herself.. whos e one who loves talking to this particular person bout her guy frens and stuff? is tt not called despo? welll.. i actualli think its normal for gals to do tt.. then if tts is fine.. then wats wrong with me.. like i chat with guys every single moment im online.. i dun ok, somemore most of the people (both genders) go online super late.. and im like online super early.. somemore my mum restricts my going-onlines.. tell me.. how am i despo then?
i dunno bout other ppl.. i think chatting with guys is normal lor.. only deprived ppl think its part of despo-ism.. for others.. it might be just normal friends, like gals... haiz.. for me.. i just cant be bothered with guys for now.. pissed with all guys cos of acsi and ri.. no faith in them to be nice... nor worth to be frens..
thus.. i think yy daoing me could hav 2 possibillities.. which, i dun wanna further discuss..just in case in stumble upon my blog.. and she'll make my life more horrible... oh well...

ok.. today sl.. not so fun..but just one hour mah.. so slack slack there.. finish liao haha.. happy lor.. finish off all my hours le!!! yay...
k.. i wanna surf blog.. cya..

guitar concert-ended on a HIGH note!

now i truely understand y zp always says guitar rocks--cos it realli rocks..
ok fri was ok, only freakin tirin cos of e court shoes...i keep walkin round and act impt (sth i love doing in pri sch, cos i prefect mah..) but walking in court shoes is like... killer... but i dun deny i like e sound of it... haha..ok ok e concert..
fri one was..just nice...and it was e first night, so slightly nervous.. but since no one i noe was there..it was just plain nice lar... but sat was e fun one...
ok sat, i noe a whole grp of then are coming.. which like some i dunno one lor... and i specially told them to come early.. and guess wat? they were late! so pro lor... super pissed with them for tt... and i tell u.. if i havnt tell them to go thru my door..they wun lor.. so tore their tix..and for got to look for nicholas..sheesh.. haiz.. then shooed them in i got star getting pissed with them all over again...
then i wen in to peep.. and saw tt xian, was sitting beside my mum ... ah.. so qiao.. and poor everett.. haha.. sit alone.. so mean of them lor... O AND IM SAYIN TT NOT COS I LIKE HIM..BUT COS IM THOSE TT OF PPL WHO CANT STAND LONELINESS ok? get it straight...
haha.. then durin intermission... van tell me to tell them to cheer 'go shawn' haiz.. should hav known tt jon wun do it lor... haizz... wateva lah... nx yr bah...
haha.. then e whole thing ended... i ran off to collect feedback form... but found it boring..so wen back to hug ppl... then got 2 roses from mum, one from zp parents, one from xian and one from jon... (he gave it to me cos he dun wanna bring it home) happy lor-so many roses... wah but not as nice as van's (dun even wanna think bout it..) ya.. then ed super nice.. gave me a wristband leh! livestrong, not much..but at least he rmb lor..i thot he was those type of stm ppl but he got rmb! cos he asked me if i wan 1 in like, may 30..then now its like july 16 (ytd) so ..super happy lor =D
then we went home liao..i miss e best part, when everyone get sprayed with cream..haiz..

photos!

haha...okok...

acsi faggots

faggots faggots... hey, i used to hav a not bad impression of acsi ok, now.. wah... all gone liao.. they suck man...
ok, it was geo lesson, and tt stupid geo teacher wasnt there again... gd thing, cos can slack..but our test is like coming lor.. wateva lah.. some of my group for geo performance task were hungry, so we went to canteen to dicuss our work...
scene: in canteen, buying food
we put all our things in this round table lah.. then when i went back to e table, wah got one whole grp of acsi ppl there... i was like: is it zp and yx too cute le arh?
they turn out to be tryin to sell their chamber orchestra tix (bet nobody wan to buy de lor) then i rmb tt yuhan wanted to go, and jj wanted to go to support jing yan, but cant make it.. so she wan yuhan go, but yuhan dun wan go alone, so somehow jj wan me to go accompany yuhan...
yeh.. i tried to promote my guitar tix to e stupid faggots, and they said tt if i buy their tix, they buy guitar tix... haiz.. for guitar, willing to sacriface 8 bucks... *sob* yeh.. so i pulled yuhan down all e way from my class (which is fourth floor, and canteen is like basement 1) yeh.. and we bought e tix... and they start daoin me.. like as if nth happened... i was like... so u all go make it for guitar? and they were acting sort of... as if they dunno anything like tt.. then said, oh.. sorri, we cant make it..! god lor.. pls lah.. wat type of ppl are they lor! i swear tt i would find a way to track them down and make them buy e tix! (one kinder person- probably feel sorri or sth-bought a tix, but still not fair, cos they promised to buy 2) so i dun care.. they have to buy it.. no matter what... fuck lah.. how come got such ppl one..
faggots
FAGGOTS
F.A.G.G.O.T.S

ah.. screams..

damn crap... now im like already super stressed with hmwk.. and stil got all e problems coming up... ok, i dun deny i got some fault.. but... i guess.. im crazy and irritatin, thus think of ridiculous idea sometimes... should hav never act cool in e first place... o well.. cant do anything now...