troubled

im yes.. well, troubled.. hm.. veri troubled..

but u can say i had a great day u know.. muggin with bird.. shoppin for jon's presssie.. makin ben treat us.. and of cos.. most imptly.. going to church and really being glad about it.. really wished everett was there.. pastor khong finally touched on the subject of the real truth and all.. but i hav a feelin its not wat everett wants.. and well.. hes not jokin when he said: its either my way or no way (actual words: the high way, but since its sounds so gay.. i shall change it for him.. loL )

its no joke.. hes really like tt..

and well. ytd me and chili found those skimpy photos on everett's comp.. i mean.. its not surprising .. but i just sorta.. feel sad cos of that..

sigh.. tts everett lar.. and since carol say ant said hes changin already.. i cant expect too much out of a person.. esp when im imperfect myself? and chili can alwyas pt them out to me.. so its kinda cool.. but i dun deny i feel shes sorta too sensitive at time.. but its good too.. cos i realise sometimes i wanna be cool and outgoing and thus sort of got damn insensitive.. so i need that sensitive influence..

i dun deny that i do find flaws in ppl close to me.. but i know i'll learn to appreciate these flaws.. because criticsing these stuff wun make u any better.. yeah..

ok.. back to everett thingie that im well.. troubled over.. sometimes i love him.. sometimes im glad i hav a.. fren like him.. sometimes i just hate him and wonder y i ever liked him... yeah.. and i bet he feels the same way too.. those are just conflicts.. and certain things that just well. hard to change.. sometimes i feel that our relationship is really more than just lovey dovey stuff.. its really.. well.. sometimes we dun hav to say stuff.. we just understand each other.. and hm.. he understand me better than i do to him.. so yeah.. tt shows y my "brilliant plan" didnt work..

hm.. maybe on second thots.. i just few the above paragraph is bullshit.. yeah.. its bull.. so ignore.. i lazy delete..

i love him as a fren can? love him as much as i love ant!!

he was a little green and yellow mushroom today lor!! so fun!! he look so weird in jeans.. too skinny lar.. need to eat more man!! loL..

bought jon's pressie.. suddenly lazy to blog more le..

yay

haha.. sometimes i wonder y i put blog fonts so small.. one simple reason, ppl hav a hard time reading, then they wun read, then wats the pt of a blog? i mean.. i wanna blog.. ppl non related is ok to read i guess.. but others.. well.. im not really too keen on it.. i know i'll piss ppl off maybe.. and haha. im still doing it..

lets tok bout fun stuff.. like ytd's flag day!! its soooooooo cool!! im serious..

first, i thot i'll die, i cant ask for a single donation and chili is always better than me somehow.. ahhh.. i feel so noob T.T

then it got better when we went to the junction at cine there!! then this ahmoh dude just dumped a whole bunch of coins on my tin as he passed by me after crossing the road! he didnt even stop to put them in or wateva lo!! its kinda funni cos its so sudden!! then we walked to the junction near paragon.. wow.. tts my paradise.. cos theres alot of families walkin out from the condos down the skinny road or sth.. then they have kids, so when asked for donation, they'll definitely show a good example, take out some coins, pass to their kids to donate to us!! so cool!!

then this group of tourists asked if we were from rjc, i told them we were from rgs, then one of them just took out a handful of coins!! and just keep on puttin all of them into my can!! at first i thot he'll just put like a few of them, but no!! he kept on puttin and puttin!! it was so funni!!

then they made chili take a pic of me with them.. cute tourists.. loL

ok.. chili get sian of a place veri easily.. and tts the main reason we didnt get much donation i guess.. cos we wun wait for the crowd and all.. and i realise the best place to ask for donation is a junction.. cos when ppl stone for the light to turn green, they dun really have an excuse of "need to rush off" and not donate any coins or wateva.. HA.. loL

this ahmoh guy rite.. i asked him to donate, he told me he got no change now and he said he'll be back(hes going paragon first).. so he asked: u all'll be around here?" so i immediately said: yes!!

well. like u expect.. chili got bored and wanted to leave.. but i was like: i hav faith in that guy!! he'll be back!! chili: well.. u know these ppl.. they only say that but they'll nv come back!!

well.. but chili was nice enough to wait with me.. and that person CAME BACK.. and guess how much he donated?? TEN BUCKS!! GOSH.. SOMEONE BRING ME WATER! and i didnt even realise it was that same person.. ah. i feel so loved somehow.. even though this got nth to do with this watsoevere loL

at nite was chattin with ant online.. wanted to find a definition for ant.. and concluded that hes well.. lovable sometimes? cos guys love to hug him.. hm.. im lovable too k.. cos he say im always happy whether im happy or not.. well, ppl.. u all better appreciate my braces more man..

love u ppl.. gonna mug with bird now.. alot of stuff to tok to her bout.. so happy

i love birds
i love ants

and ofcos .. i love myself... the most
o
and i love cow

i love life

if anyone bothers to read this tini font.. ha ha ha..

well u should know i dun really wan ppl to read it, so yeah.. if u are one of "those ppl" namely everyone.. can dun read..

so y am i bloggin? not ask ppl not to read lar.. just fun.. sth like tt.. contradicting.. hm.. tts me

shall change to a o-so-me colour!! loL

hm.. shall blog bout these three days.. monday went trainin and all veri fun, then after that mug like siao..

tuesday also, mug mug mug, then go eat dinner with my mum

today also, after sch mug mug mug then go eat dinner with my mum..

im quite pissed actually.. been told that someone said i think piercson is hot.. hello, i dun even know how to spell his freakin name -.- ok.. sorri.. his name is not freakin.. just pissed-me.. yeah.. o well.. if i didnt say it.. so no need be pissed lor..

these days quite fun.. just tt now dun get to tok to bird tt much le.. quite sad.. i like bird alot.. yeah..

i guess now jason really gonna quite shootin le.. everett is rite.. i cant blame him.. and to be frank.. im not close to him.. so if he quit or not.. i might miss him.. but its just gonna cause nth more than a ripple in my emtionals and all those shit.. jingna is rite.. soemtimes frens are more of a hinderance than of help in shootin.. not sayin bradahood and all are doing more bad than good, just that, well, sometimes we shooters are so close cos of this distance beauty.. at first, when u just know th person, u see the flaws.. first layer..

then u know th person.. u see the second layer goodness

then u see the following layers of goodnes.. then wat? theres this layer of flaws.. then only when u go close to the person then u'll see.. and tts wat happens when u get too close to a person.. and i guess we are just too young sometimes to understand and overlook these flaws graciously.. but i am no god.. ha..

thats y relationships dun last long my dear.. whether its the rite guy or not.. chill lar.. so many years.. get tied down now sure got problem, comon, we even find hard to live properly with our parents now.. still think bout our future, living with some dude??? i think it should scare the hell out of ppl already.. if u think deep enough..

suddenly thot of jason.. really hope he can let go.. we are worried for him enough already.. haiz.. he ar.. haiz..

hm.. yeah.. apparently my genius plan on everett didnt work.. whether he really realised i was lyin from the start or just blaffin after i told him that i might not be tellin the truth.. hm.. o well.. i just feel quiet stupid lar.. at first tot my plan veri the smart.. now wah.. sad sad.. embarrassed.. i thot lying at this situation wouldbe like.. an exception.. but no.. yep

stress? u tell me??? tmr 6 blocks!!! still got math TEST.. then got wat, amc.. then got trainin sure till veri late one.. where got ppl like quli soshiok.. can stay at hom today cos she nv go sch.. dunno y though.. but o well...

i just realise im like screwin up my own life somehow.. slowly.. deep down.. so i must stop it now..

veri hot.. go bathe le..

sometimes i wonder..

haiz.. sometimes i really wonder.. haiz.. i think i just landed myself into a bigger mess.. and others have to clean it up after me.. haiz..

sigh

hm...

sometimes i wonder whose fault it really is: mine or his.. but i guess thats not the pt.. knowing whose fault it is wun make the whole matter any better or any worse... cos.. it sort of just have to end up being my fault anyway..

so maybe all e fault he ever did was to... cheat on me?? loL. i bet that wun stand as his fault cos well.. he'll just put it that he GAVE up on me already.. if he like tt.. then dun back and look for me..

ytd was battle of the bands.. ok.. well its nice lar..
well, acsb is .. good.. i wasnt really THAT high.. almost merely going with the flow.. chris told me nathan (or however u spell his name) is real good, he got contracts signed and stuff.. well, pro lor

acs international is like the one that i like.. cos they can actually sing.. true, i admit every single member in a band is impt, but i just feel the singer is the soul... if u cant sing.. no matter how good the rest of the band is.. its just not.. there..

acs i is good.. i like their song.. they wrote the songs..

the green uniform sch one.. ok lar.. not bad cos they got the wat u call it.. ta feng..

in the end.. well.. i didnt really have a band tt i liked alot.. i just liked the acsb's hats..

and SHAWN ang was performing!!! so exciting.. wx and me were tokin bout going to sit on the chair he sat on during the performance.. but well.. we didnt.. =)

bob aint exactly as fun as centrestage somehow.. maybe its cos i was freakin pissed with everett.. but i think thats my problem.. and well, i'll have to do sth about it.. and not any1's fault. yep

latr on on the bus.. me and ky was just like tokin bout some lame stuff.. being our usualy spastic self.. then somehow pissed everett off.. kena strangled by him real bad..but he didnt use his watch.. so i think the pain will only last for like.. 2-3 days.. so not so bad.. yeah

he was freakin pissed.. stretched his WHOLE LEG over the back seats.. ant gave up on him.. its sth that always bothers me.. dunno y.. and somehow... since i totally totally give up on everett... nv seemed happy anymore.. not sayin i so influencial.. just using it as a mark of dates.. yeah..

and im fastin for him to be alrite... which is well.. quite bad cos racial harmony food, i cant eat a single thing cos im fastin and i almost fainted.. can actually feel my head spinning so ran down to drink milo..

well.. fastin saves money too.. so i aint complainin

i really dunno how to help ppl.. and usually when tt happens ( its usually ppl like carol and ky or sth) at least i know how they are feelin.. i do somehow know how everett is feelin.. but its not helpin cos i also dunno wat to do.. u'll hav to get out of it urself.. and well.. the only solution is bringing everett to church.. and so, i'll fast for that.. =)

neeed to go for cpr course le.. haha.. at least today i wun get suaned so much.. dunno y they always suan me.. hmph.. IM FREAKING PISSED

WATS UR BLOODY PROBLEM..

loL.. jokin lar.. i shall stay happy.. i promised ant.. but he havnt treat me yet.. loL

signing off!! ALICE IN WONDERLAND

haha.. nationals.. finally over..

actually.. i know how everyone feels.. but somehow.. i just dun share the same feelin.. abit stone now.

i need to get my priorities rite.. i just realised i've let myself into the mess that ant was tokin about.. shit.. how how how

haiz.. ytd was well.. fun.. but the unhappy stuff didnt go away cos of the happy stuff.. and it still haunts me.. yeah..

but it was fun.. i shall go find the pictures took ytd..
yup yup

life is sometimes findin the joy, not the flaws

life is about finding the joy.. not the flaws...

i think that will be my phrase of the day.. well everyone has flaws.. maybe our flaws in on our back, so we hardly get to see them.. and when we do see the flaws, maybe like from a mirror, well.. we feel super super sad about it.. but the thing is, theres not much difference knowin and not knowing the flaws, cos it has been there all along.. and anyway, its good to find them cos then we'll be able to improve and all those shit.. yeah!!

i have my flaws.. i just dun wanna hear them.. so i guess the most impt thing i should change now is to like.. do not take wat ppl say tooooo seriously, too sensitive about other ppl's words and stuff... bird said im abit too sensitive.. haha.. and seein that i've already changed so much and still its like.. obvious..

k.. gtg eat.. latr blog about bird and stuff..

LOVE JESUS

if ppl actually read my blog.. they'll realise the paragraphs are all different coloured!!

and dun u think the colours have a sort of tone to it? haha well.. thats just a senseless observation, and got nth to do with anything much watsoever

anyway, THURSDAY IS WEIXIAN'S BDAE !! hahah so happy nehx.. got her sth already.. but feel like makin her a card or sth.. since im like totally totally broke so yeah..

still havnt gone over the hyperness and ant's song!! so freakin nice??? like how nice?? tell me!! everyone say nice.. who cares if they say it just for the sake of makin me happy.. I THINK ITS FREAKIN NICE MAN.. HA ha ha ha ha ha..

ok ok.. alice chill

i feel like going to read my chinese book and stuff.. dun wanna blog le.. latr go nice stuff maybe i shall blog blog..

tata

GOD BLESS YEH ALL

im just so happy somehow.. which i guess totally do not reflect the colour im using now for my words? haha.. wateva

o shit.. just realise tmr got research studies.. o dear.. haiz..

nvm

must still stay happy and all.. cos there God!! that create the COLORS!! HAHA.. SO cool woorr... haha..

yeah.. so theres colours!!!

ben really had a pt there ytd nite--he said, wat is faith when we only look into God when we actually need Him to create some sort of miracle or sth. its true, esp in my case i guess.. at first i always pray hard hard when i actually need His help.. but slowly and gradually, i begin to realise God's work in my life, not only through the difficult times, but also during happy times, i realise, without His grace, those beautiful things would nv have happened!! though im sorta retarded in realise these facts, i am still thankful for God's grace! =)

yup yup..
i decided to completely give up on huggies already, no prob wah.. and i really believe hes in good hands, just that he needs to change his blog link.. messiah or sth is really really WRONG.. haiz.. dunno wat hes thinkin woor..

im totally broke.. and i dunno wat to do... somemore need to pay for so many things.. haiz.. mum really gettin pissed i think.. somemore cleanin up my room for me cos its like freakin messy.. and we are plannin to sell our flat and buy a new one? yeah... the previous paragraph is of a diff colour. but it seems so .. simliar

suddenly reminded of canvas 2.. elis in the end end up with oniichan still.. its a happy ending i shall say, but i just think that.. well, it no longer hold any special meaning to me le.. see, now im not sad anymore.. SEE THE MIRACLE OF THE LORD? He can always make me happy no matter wat!! =)

now even tmr's rs dun seem to be bothering me.. i just know tmr will be fun fun fun somehow.. not to count the fastin time for God =) and to pray for ppl and Singapore!!

somehow at this pt of time, dun have any feelins for huggies anymore.. then i wonder y i still refer to him as huggies, well.. its a name.. and we shall keep it that way. ha ha ha

dun really care mind about it i guess.. i guess i keep holdin him back somehow.. well.. i dunno leh.. the love future for me rite now seem rather.. bleak? haha.. pathetic circle of frens and all.. but hey.. im not like despo or wateva.. i rather hav a million great frens that a bf.. haha.. like i wanna get into a relationship that fast too. nah.. i wun wan that... like ewww..

hahaha

really dun wan a bf now come to think of it.. haha... i wanna chat with di di lar..but he abit the not online now.. i really like takin the train with him lo.. then can laugh at him cos he has to hold onto sth on the bus.. muahahahahah

im not mean.. im nice.. ha

veri happy now..and tmr still have to pay derek like.. 40 bucks.. and ten bucks suppose to come from me.. so how how how u tell me how.. haiz..

ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS: GOD IS IN WORK IN OUR LIVES, ALL WE NEED TO DO IS BELIEVE

just cleaned up my room!! woo!! really like.. phew.. took like one hour or so.. suppose to be studyin now.. but just suddenly feel like blogging i guess...

my di di is so wonderful.. he rock.. he wrote me a song!! and i really love the lyrics.. even if it dun really relate to me.. but i love it..

So Much More
Anthony Tan

Verse 1
I dont wanna run away, but every time I hear u say
U cant stop to bear the pain, and you’re driving me insane
Every time you cry out loud, a part of me is burning out
Could you ever lose your way, with me

Chorus
The world is going blind and
So put your hand in mine and see
Were meant to be
Id trade my life away for
This thing I need it so much more

Verse 2
Ever thought of giving up, of something we alone messed up
It would all be so easy, just an excuse not to die
How can we go so far, to only find out that were back
Shake the clouds and earth to breathe, and see

Bridge
Everything u thought wed be
Everyone will look and see
Finally so much for us to know


im so touched!! di di rocks.. haha.. its a really nice songs.. i love the lyrics!!

must thank God everyday for such a great di di.. i miss him lar.. last time everytime after church can go home tgt.. veri fun one.. but now.. bleh.. haiz.. nvm lar.. either i got sth on or he with his cell then i'll be freakin extra, so also dun wanna give him a hard time or sth.. haha

today is like pretty boring.. but rather interesting at the same time.. and of cos, i realise im slackin here when i should be doing the load of homework i have.. well.. i just feel i should blog.. trackin my feelins and all i guess..

i think i should devote more time to God.. nowaday, the most i spend is like 15 minutes.. its not that i dun hav the time, i just like to push things to the last minutes i guess and slack, with is my form of enjoyment, as much i can.. yeah.. this time should be devoted to the Lord!! to worship Him, praise Him and get closer to Him!! haha

been thinkin bout huggies these days.. i always want to make sure im not a despo little gal obssessed over ppl, but i guess its inevitable.. ha ha ha ha. i mean, think then think lar.. i just realise that.. well, no matter how assured i am that huggies has moved on and im ok with it, sort of when he really show affection towards another gal.. i'll still feel jealous lar.. hut o well.. like daniel say one.. its normal wah.. o and i always like to ask like im soooo wei da.. but sometimes its the only thing i can do heh

Really love JC, cant help it.. just someone that feels me with love and joy.. really happy that i have JC in my heart.. =)

THE BLOG THATS ALIVE AGAIN!! AMEN

tell me about dead blogs.. haha..

decided to bring this blog to life again.. hmm.. dun feel like changin the blog skin though its already super super old.. i just like it i guess.. and maybe it also holds some memories? but o well

lets see.. am i sad now?
hm.. should not be.. cos i have all that i ever need: Lord

JC and the Truth.. the Love and Protection, that grants me peace!!

bradahood shirt is coming up.. pictures will be uploaded to e pictures section.. go and see.. its freakin cool haha

must thank wilson for it.. its really reall beautiful.. and of cos, got me inside, so its definitely hot and a must buy.. orders can be sent to bucklefan@hotmail.com

i do love this blog u know..

and i do love GOD for ur info..

wanna slp soon, dun wanna slp in class tmr wooo

love u LORD
love u JC
still love someone though..

o Lord, bless this humbled heart

amen