hee bleh

like wtf.. now my mum is scoldin me for not doing productive stuff in the HOLIDAYS!! PLS! LIKE SHE SAID, ITS E HOLIDAYS!! Y AM I SUPPOSE TO DO PRODUCTIVE STUFF: IN HER EYES, STUDY.. IN E HOLIDAYS??

nvm lar.. i noe shes just worried for me.. haiz.. cos my results didnt increase, but dropped.. bleh.. haiz.. wat can i do man? i just wanna enjoy myself. bleh bleh..haha

wen to bowl today.. quite fun! jon, from e last, became e second! damn zai.. i would hav done better if not for daniel lar! bowl for me, kena gutter! damn nice lor! haiz.. nvm lar.. had fun! haha.. then waited for krist for like half an hour!! first, she waited at e wrong bus stop.. then she took e wrong bus, then finaly took e correct bus and came here!

hm..

interesting--life, ain't it? i keep thinkin bout life. i dunno if its just me or its just.. well, ME..

life's pretty confusing sometimes. kris always tells me tt its how i view life, not how life has screwed me. i used to think its impossible to make oneself happy again, when he or she is so depressed and down.. which is wat i am thinkin now.
but i realise tt u can make urself happy, u can! yes u can! if u are sad, go out with frens.. try to hav fun, u'll realise sure enough tt u can be happy if u wan to!
dun be like me: cope up at home, doing nth.. just mournin over my pitiful life.. and stuff. now u noe wat, whenever i say i wan to die, i'll think bout the bright stuff in life, i'll realise tt it'll be hard to let them go. and im quite scared to die anyway. its gonna be painful.. ah.. not tt i cant take pain, but.. well.. too much pain--who wants them? anyway, its a sin, i might not go heaven, im giving up my right to life and right to live.. tts so..bleh

so y are we in this world? takin our own bindings (wateva tt means), repay kindness, mend our own wrongs, tryin our best not to mend into other ppl's business, but in e end, we are always entangled with other ppl--COMPLICATED MAN.. y? are we always tryin to do sth we arent suppose to do? get untangled with others??

to be continued....

你不在

我又去看星星
天上没有云，
可是只有一颗星，
好孤独，好寂寞。

好冷
好冷
好冷

好冷喔，
双手抱住自己，
好孤单，
好孤独，好寂寞。

没有他为我取暖，
没有他，
抱住我，让我暖暖的，告诉我：everything will be alrite
一点也不寂寞，一点也不孤单。

那时原来，
现在的我
好冷
好冷

身边只有一和你喜欢的草莓蛋糕
没有你的微笑
没有你的沉默
好孤单，好寂寞。

脸上湿了，
我哭了

可是，
不痛
不痛
不痛。

你离开的那天，我不会痛，我会哭，
孤单的夜里我不孤单，因为我爱你。

haha.. recaps!

loL.. feel like recapping bout e 3 days of holiday so far.. quite fun bleh..

MONDAY
wen to guitar.. borin.. guitar assessment.. screwed it cos my freakin phone was vibrating when i was sight reading!!! fuck lar.. and i freaked out like shit.. scaredd tt mr chua will hear it and scold me somemore. kao beh!

after assessment, immediately rush to TTSH. go for heart checkup.. but guess wat? i dun hav a referrial letter or sth, so i'll hav to pay for e full private hospital price, not e subsidised one.. wah lao lor! if its just like.. bout 20 30 bucks difference, its ok, but its not! its 140 bucks diff!!! wtf lar.. haiz.. so.. i was damn pissed.. and e stupid nurse there is damn irritatin lar..

we wen to novena sq to eat, then went back to yishun poyclinic to get a referial letter. e whole stupid thing took me 2 hours.. got back home.. slacked round bout.. eat dinner then gtg liao. then got to sch and realise we were suppose to meet at 7.45, not 6 pm!! wtf lar.. i hav like almost 2 hours of free time! i got my new result slip.. then sit round e table with zp they all to tok and play lor.. damn lame lar.. quite fun though..=)

drama nite damn boring.. haha.. ok skip skip.

I GOT HOME AT 11 PLUS!!

TUESDAY
erm.. wen for guitar.. calculated tt if i just go one hour latr.. i would be only late by half an hour.. and i wun miss anything! haha.. so i left home at round .40.. guitar suppose to start at 9.. hee

mr chua gave us this super hard song! wah lao.. play until wan to die le! then decided to pon afternoon.. so just left with my guitar at lunch! called jon to ask where they were.. cos heard tt they were somewhere in yishun.. can pei me eat lunch.. haha. guess they wanna skip it or sth, dunno, anyway.. eli nice enough to pei me lor.. then i wen home... heard tt jj's eye was swellin.. so asked them if they wanna go and visit her.. so we all planned to MEET AT FOUR PM. jon, everett and eli was one hour late.. me and mich got eaten by the mozzies!

got on 854.. and we SAT down in e middle section of the long long bus! jon, everett and me somehow got black marks on our backs cos of tt! bleh.. so unlucky.. then got to jj house! then we play piano, guitar, eat biscuts and stuff.. =)

everett lar, put e box of biscuits on e high high stairs.. and i didnt noe it wasnt covered, so when i took it.. well.. it was rainin biscuits. sorri jj!

i found sth veri fun! infrared! fishes see by tt! so if u rub ur hands till hot and put then on e fish tank, the fishes will move away from u! so fun rite! =) haha.. sorri mei jun.. she say i scarin e fishes..

then jj's mum bought dinner for us.. mich and i were sharin one box of hor fun.. everett eatin one whole box.. he finish everything, then we hard eaten.. so when he go toilet.. we swap boxes!! so it seem like he ate veri little, we ate alot! smart rite?? haha.. muahahahaha..

then played badminton.. then wen home.. my mum got pissed got i nv phone her.. SHE SET ME A CURFEW!! BY 8, BEST IS COME back.. but cant just call..haha

eli gave me e apple crumble meant for her maid: maris aka jon.. haiz.. feel so guilty now. how? jon not happy cos of it!

WEDNESDAY
hm.. wen to play lan with eli they all at noon.. then wen to see them train for while, then wen to cut hair.. wah.. damn tt one.. waited for veri long! but cut until quite nice leh! 12 bucks: quite nice leh! haha.. happy happy!then wen to borrow umbrella cos it was rainin.. then wen back to safra, cos i forgot to return eli her tupperware. the umbrella we borrowed was like.. grannie umbrella.. haha.. damn malu..

they said they playin lan.. so we waited for them to pack and stuff.. haha.. then decided not to play lan.. cos not enough comps also.. we wen back to return umbrella.. then i sent mich back..

我爱的人

我跟他看星星
“你看，星星那么亮！”我兴奋的叫着
那声音那么明亮，就好象星星一样。
安静
安静
安静
我转过身，他就在我身边，微笑着。
“为什么不出声？”
“没什么，安静的看你比较美。”
“别开玩笑了，你帅我就认了--我哪一点漂亮了？”
可是看着他严肃的脸，我知道，那时他真心的话，不是骗人的。
“谢谢你。”
“谢什么，我也像跟你看星星。再加上。。。”

在他唇上那一吻，好美好美，比星星还要美。

美丽的东西都是段站的，我们只能好好的珍稀它，努力的让它延续下去，用你的心去希望它会是永远的永远...

life

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i realise life is like.. dunno.. its like an abstract art piece, u can choose to look at it one way, and u see it beautiful and vibrant. u can also choose to look at it at another way, ugly and just cant make sense of it... we choose how we wana look at it.. yes, our first initial reaction to the piece might not be e positive side.. but.. imagine-- u hav to stare at tt paintin for e rest of ur life.. might as well look at e nice nice side rite? wat for go and torture urself.. heh? look at e cute cute nice nice side.. enjoy it for e rest of ur life..

once in a while.. the painting changes shape.. and all u see is e ugly side.. dun freak! just be patient and calm and look for tt nice side... dun give up.. dun ever give up.. dun..

i dunno.. as in.. just like my fren said.. if u cant get a person to like u.. tt person is just not gd enough for u.. hm.. i gues.. dunno lar.. damn confused.. wanna say alot of stuff.. but dunn wat to say now..

tata

love

haiz.. life really sucky.. i dunno.. im possessive.. possessive idiot.. stay at home think bout pessimistic stuff.. go out mum scold.. need go buy strapless bra.. y am i typin this.. gettin sick.. never horny.. im clearn.. pure.. yup.. i wan cut hair.

screwed

im screwed.. period.. nth else to say le.. just screwed.. i dunno.. sometimes, when i say im screwed.. its just my thinkin, as in.. the person i thot tt screwed me didnt even mean it.. or it was obvious it wun last long.. but.. well.. i dunno bout this time..

i love to quote it phrase.. i dunno anymore, i dunno bout anything anymore.. how nice.. i seriously dunno le. except a few things: my love, my dear huggies.. and pistol.. tts bout all..

i realise ppl are always veri fake on e outside.. they seem happy, they seem so good.. but in e end.. when their masks are taken off, u see e real, raw, dark side of them.. it aint good.. i dunno y ppl wanna put a face there to block out all e unsightly scars.. maybe just cos its unsightly..

some ppl dun accept others, dunno wat is their fucking problem, being so pissed for no particular reason, etc, i realised tt everything everyone do has a reason, u are not e only one with a complex and well thot brain.. they think too, dun look at others as if they are ppl who dunno wat they are doin and dun really care if their pissed moods pisses other ppl off.. and speakin rite behind their backs.. imagine if u encountered sth veri unhappy, and ur mask can no longer block ur dark side.. it took over u and u cant control ur wrath anymore.. and ppl dun even try and see y u are pissed and just say tt u are pissed for no particular reason, like a idiot without brains and start tokin behind ur back.. how would u feel?? im sure it aint nice..

being a person aint easy.. u'll hav to keep in mind alot of things.. some ppl say: be urself, whether ppl like it or not.. they dun care.. ppl will just hav to accept them as they are.. maybe its true.. but i once heard.. if ppl dun accept u, then its u who has a problem.. and u should change.. maybe no to be just accepted.. but to becopme a more wholistic person.. i dunno.. so nx time ur fren gets pissed.. try to understand her.. maybe scold abit with her too.. she'll be glad.. well, i'll be if i were she.. =)