gone all gone...only one qn left

wat a quick sat, and now i feel like dying, half anyway, i wan to go to sch tmr, and er maybe go back my pri sch...yah..but rite now, i feel like a stupid freak..so the only thing i can tell me is that, the reason for all these problems are all cos ..cos the of the age problems, no one wod be ready..no one..so we werent lor..yah..so tats y..not cos of other problems...

y, y did everything turn out to be like this...i just hope that i have not lost a fren though, but as ppl say, it hard to stay fren with a guy, either too close or too far...the close part is over, but did anybody say anything bout the same thing not being able to happen again? i hope no one said that before

talk about being depressed for only 1 1/2 hours, actually longer than that...but what to do, im leaving tmr midnight! even if i wan to deal with the problem, as in deeper or sth, i wun hav the time! i really feel disheartened but seriously, i just..feel so unimportant to everyone...esp ppl whom plays quite a part in my life..oh rather, i think i ask for too much...

u cannot make a person feel ur presence when secretly, he or she is nth in ur eyes..its makes sense, so i always tell myself, all ppl are pro, though they might not look it, but they are...and wat i get? everyone to like me? i dunno...

i thought of dying, after the eoys, but then decided to live until the netball carn and trip to china, cos i hav to see my relatives once more rite? then i jsut told myself that, if netball carn, out class win more than 4 games, i'll not die, but if less, i'll die, if in the middle, i'll find something else to help me decide...

we won 2 games..wonderful rite? so tata everyone...but hangon, i still need write note to everyone..and then er find the most suitable pill or sth to kill..i wan a painless death, though not those type of so graceful ones, where you put a chim book on ur lap, and you die in the beautiful back yard or sth, with the butterflies flying around you...but sth peaceful..yah..

not that i hav much money, so i wun actually write a will or sth...cos it will just make u dun wan to die, im sure of it..anyway, the small note for everyone will be enough lah..=)

i still need planning for this, so dun worry, if you wan to say anything to me, dun worri, im still there..cos i still need go back in china first, oh yah, then the class reunion..so..yah..maybe on shuting's bdae, 1 jan..dunno..hav to find a time where theres no one at home...not that theres anybody at home...

over, bye..

first of all WOHO! everything is over!over! camp, sch, exams, getting back of papers, netball carn and all the stuff...

ok first things first, so the exams, it was not as bad as i had thought, atleast i didnt die a terrible death, so atleast i can still live..i've decided not to die..see..

the before you know it, its the 3 day camp! im so freaky over camps that i didnt wan to go..haiz..lucky i did..yah...

the most freaky part was the rope elements, ppl just dun understand how scared i am of height..its really scary, and going up is just like telling me to drink up detergent, when just nice im allergic to detergent...

the rest was rather nice, of course except the part that i hav to help yanz and the rest block out the glaring sun..cos im tall mah..im such a nice person

then immediately, its netball carn! i didnt really expect our class to do well..it sounds bad, but we are really not that good..yah..and with me, the lousiest player there, our class might as well go and die..

i expected the reast of the team to actually practice, but guess wat, nah, they cant be bothered, no time..all the nice reasonable excuses would all pop up...might as well dun say anthing...

ok so for yanz its chicken feet, but im not a sports person..and i had a bit of muscle ache..and tata..i played 7 1/2 games...i didnt think it was that bad..well...ok fine, its bad...
hui hui was too fast for me..i still have not gotten out of my fatigue and stuff from camp and got hang of the defence and so on..and there i was, defending a NETBALLER..u get the idea..

of cos lah, yanz start telling me to jump..i feel really sorri k 103, pls forgive me, or i'll really go and die...but then lucky got a bit of the hang of the whole thingy and yah, was quite happi bout that part, but apparently, i can do better...

i noe everything i say will be bias and not rite..but i really have to say...i might not be good in netball, but i have the advantage when with shorter opponents, therefore, its er good to have me on the team...i cant really shoot well, but still better than some ppl..and though some ppl might think i cant attack that well, atleast i can run into space and not stand at one place and act like a model, pls, even model can move better than them..im talking bout the ppl in the team, we tried our best, we did our best, with the provided amount of enthusiasm given by the class, which was overwhelming..

some ppl just think that either we can do better or they can do better, keep giveing stupuid advice like, you must jump! and make everything sound like they can do better and you cant do anything on the team.. fine, maybe im not good, but i tried my best k? you all chose me to be on the team..and i believe im not that bad, i mean not as bad as some ppl in other classes.

i get emotionally unstable over these stuff and i really can freak and collapse just like that..you cant blame me, i have a bad childhood, a broken family...

we are like apples, when God made us, He took a bite out of everyone, those with more defects are those that God took a bigger bite out of, cos God liked them more...im the perfect apple..eaten by the worm, thrown away by God...

but then, i decided to just get over it..yrs down the road i might just find it as a lame thing to be sad over, but now, at least, im still not happy over it..but well...i shall be happy now..

then..now its bout that stupid gd fren of mine, cant be bother to do sth ..that leads to the unableness to send sth..and im unable to get sth...haiz..stupid person..sorri, u are suppose to be my gd fren, not aviode me...